I don’t want attention.
I don’t want flattery.
I don’t want temporary.
I want LOVE.
Does this sound familiar?
This is what all the ’90s kids, who are no longer kids; craving for. If there is one thing, I am not very proud of, it is my craving for love. I love, Love. Not just the modern, practical love; but the whole ‘Bollywood, Fairy Tale’ love. I don’t understand the new-age terms of dating and love. All I understand is that love is supposed to be very pure. It should be very personal and very comforting.
Unfortunately, I am an extremely practical person who matured before age. I have seen broken love all across and that helped build me my practicality. But did it break my trust for love?
It did.
It did in the beginning. I was anti-love for almost a decade. But this anti-love version of me was always looking for someone who would come and change it. Fairy Tale love, you remember.
A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for a first date. It was after a very long time, with this guy I matched on Bumble. While getting ready, I asked my brother, should I take something for the guy. My brother said, “Didi, for once in your life, let someone baby you. You always take care of everyone; you take up the responsibility of the world. It’s okay to be a girl. Be the little girl who never got a chance to feel her emotions. A Queen is someone who barely got to be a princess. Be a princess today, keep your Queen crown at home.”
This made me realize, I have been handling things so much that my masculinity has taken over my overall personality. I am the protector for most of the relationships. Is it bad to feel my feminine energy?
One of my closest friends (read – my oldest crush ever) told me recently. He asked, how will you find love if you don’t love your own company?
Ouch! But so true.
Am I still craving for love? Absolutely.
Will I be looking for it outside? Maybe I will fulfill my own cravings.
Do I still hope to find my ‘Knight in Shining Armor’? Always.
