Sadness makes people uncomfortable; but jokes or sarcastic comment on the other hand, make them laugh. Usually, my sadness comes out in the form of sarcasm. Chandler Bing from Friends would have found his mentee in me, if he were to see me, ever!
Back in school, I wasn’t the funny one, just the sad, fat bullied girl. In college, maybe, I found sarcasm genes in me. This is because, I had a best friend, an anchor next to me. As an adult now, sarcasm is my first nature.
It is funny but sad at the same time when I say, “I am dying.” And people end up laughing. What if I were? Maybe check up on those extremely funny ones from your group of friends. They are strong, funny, unbothered; believe me there is more to them. There is a trauma that they haven’t spoken about yet. They have spoken about it but were disregarded. And that my friends, made them Chandler Bing of your group.
These are the ‘strong one’ or ‘funny one’ from your friend’s circle. No one check up on them, because they are laughing at their own pain.
Once the day ends and you go home, you lie down with your own thoughts. Then begins the self-analysis on, “what you said? How you said it? Should I have used a better word? Is this person offended?” This over-thinking makes it worse. To add to this comes the self-realization, “Should I tell people how I feel? Would they understand? Fuck it, they won’t.”
Trust me, they won’t.
This entire series has turned out to be a journaling thing. This approach works for me. I can rant and get my A to Z Challenge done.
